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Never A Bloggy Blog

28 Feb

Alright, so, obviously this post isn’t about coffee. I haven’t been able to visit any coffeehouses this month due to having troublesome touches of flu and dealing with February weather in Pennsylvania. Hint: It’s bad. Wind, rain, and snow, all on the same day and on lots of days. Thus far, my attempts to get coffee from far afield have been stymied and look to remain so until sometime around mid-March. So let’s write about something else until March.

That “something else” will be gratitude. This blog could have gone in several directions. One of those directions was trendy professionalism. It’s hard to deny that there are certain characteristics that, in the minds of contemporary intellectuals, constitute acceptable blog content and presentation. In other words, some blogs are considered ‘bloggier’ than others. These bloggy blogs get all the attention and, of course, sponsors and advertisers. At any point, I could have retooled this blog to reflect the zeitgeist of blogging. I’m glad I didn’t. I’d rather this space be a rough-hewn passion project than a slick-and-polished reflection of the postmodern blogosphere. Hence, I am going to continue to use words like ‘hence’ and also reflect on the kind of blogs I don’t like…the kind I’m glad this blog will never be.

On Bloggy Blogs And Their Consequences

Whenever someone writes a blog post about some social issue or lifestyle matter, you get it in the same tired format. They invariably open up with some anecdote from their life. Do you care about my breakfast? Not at the outset, but you do now, and it lets you know I’m human. We’re buddies, dude. We’re friends, guy.

Right. So, the next step is to delineate the problem in some milquetoast, non-judgmental way that sounds like a generic PR statement regarding the issue. Blah, blah, blah, words, words, words. More words. Heaps and heaps of words. Milquetoast and non-judgmental words that I can use to signal my virtue vis-a-vis the standards of my reference society and thus not alienate the reader. Are you still with me? Of course, you are. I haven’t said anything to alienate you. That was the point of being so lukewarm, you silly goose.

Now for the part where I heap praise upon my opponents even though I clearly disagree with them. If you didn’t think I was a proper academic gentleman like them before, you sure as sugar do now, pal. They’re geniuses. They’re wonderful. I could never hold a candle to such a blah-blah-blah, yackety-smakety. You get the point. I’ll say these things even if they don’t respect me.

Here’s where I start pointing out tiny little flaws in their arguments while still simping to them like a prom queen bringing cookies to the quarterback. I validate all of their asinine concerns, which had I addressed them right off the bat, would have rendered my opponents’ positions moot. However, that would have upset the apple cart by showing that I have a strong position outside the mainstream of current thought on the subject. Upset apples don’t click on blog posts. Best to not risk offense.

Finally, allow me to propose a lukewarm solution. During the course of this portion, I’ll try making every paragraph a single sentence. That’s a neat trick to make me seem even more conversational.

Small paragraphs also look clean and professional.

I will also put important ideas in italics. And use grammatically-incorrect periods. Lots of them.

There you have it: a few largely-asinine pages that have left you no wiser, no smarter, and certainly no closer to a solution to the issue we were discussing. You can call yourself well-read, though, since you did read a post by me, a genuine professional intellectual. Notice how I used the impersonal, academic “we” back there. That was a smart-person thing. Do you feel like part of the club now? It doesn’t matter. This wasn’t about solutions or about you; it was about my intelligence and good-person-ness.

I hope this blog post finds you well, salutations, stay safe. Someone’s rights are human rights. I’ll let the advertisers decide whom.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

That, in a nutshell, is how one writes a bloggy blog. It was, one can see, very bloggy. May this blog never become a bloggy blog.

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Posted by on February 28, 2023 in Uncategorized

 

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